I'm walking on campus and there she is. Shoot, I think to myself. Where in the heck do I know her? Was it a class? Is she in my ward? Aw, man, I hope I don't visit teach her, this could look bad. Should I say hello? What if she doesn't remember me? Worse, what if she does remember me and wants to talk to me but then finds out I don't know her name? What about a wave? A wave's pretty casual. Ooh, but what if she doesn't see me wave? Then I'll just be waving at nothing and look stupid.

The girl draws closer to me, her flip-flops smacking against her feet. Not sure of what else to do, I finally settle for a half nod that could have been directed at anyone west of the Clyde Building. The girl smiles, eyes slightly glazed as if she's trying to remember where she knows me.

It happens at least once a day for me. I meet so many people at school only to forget them by the next semester. The best was a guy who would stop to talk with me nearly every day my first semester at BYU. I didn't have a clue what his name was, but I was too scared to ask him because I didn't want to seem rude.

One day he asked for my cell number so he could give me a call next time he and his buddies were up to something. When he gave me his I (rather skillfully, I thought) asked him how he spelled his name. He raised his eyebrow and squinted at me.

"Um, Caleb, C-A-L-E-B," he said. "Are there really other ways to spell it?" he asked.

"You never know," I said.

I used to think it was because I didn't like confrontation. But then I realized I just don't want the responsibility of being nice.

That's the problem with being nice. It's a commitment. See, if you wave at somebody, you'll always have to wave at that person every time you see them. If you wave to too many people, you'll just be waving all the time. Or, as in the case of the nameless boy, there are only so many times you can ask somebody for their name before they expect you to remember it.

In the process of avoiding this commitment, I've come up with anti-friendliness strategies (subconsciously, of course).

The best method is to just not make eye-contact with anybody. I usually look at the ground when I walk, so this works pretty well for me. A slightly riskier method, but some people find works well, is to look right past people's faces, like at their ears. This method makes you appear less anti-social and depressed, but, like I said, is riskier. While most people can generally tell when they are just out of your line of sight there are a select few who cannot and you may be forced to nod in their direction if they see you.

The irony behind these tactics is if you ask me what my favorite characteristic of the South (my home) is and I'll tell you it's that everybody waves to one another. You make eye contact, you wave. You block both lanes of traffic into town with your tractor, you wave.

No one really cares if they know one another or not, it's just a friendly thing to do. And if you don't remember the person's name that waved to you, they don't really care (as long as you waved).

But this is BYU. No one wants to look stupid. At least, I don't, anyway. In reality, I think I just don't give people the benefit of the doubt. How often has somebody I didn't know wave at me and I thought, "Who's this fool?" (At worst I've thought, "That's awkward. I wonder what he's waving at.")

Now, I'm not necessarily suggesting we wave at every person we see. (While it may make for flattering, well-rounded shoulders from the exercise, it's a little impractical.) I'm merely suggesting a little less of the "eyes-glazed-over-while-I-listen-to-my-iPod/mp3playerofmyhoice-so-I-don't-have-to-recognize-the-existence-of-other-human-beings" or even the "I'm-in-a-bad-mood-or-perhaps-I'm-slightly-constipated-so-don't-talk-to-me" look.

Or, even easier, just smile. Half-nods are friendlier when you smile. Tests are friendlier when the attractive clerk at the testing center smiles. I'd even go do far as to say a good 80% of southern hospitality is smiling. But the best thing about smiling is if you know the person it's like a hello, and if you don't know them you're just "friendly." It's a happy middle; warm fuzzies all around. It's pretty much the most brilliant idea I've ever had and I'm sharing it with you. Consider it a written smile.

Copyright Brigham Young University 23 May 2006